Tumblr Doesn't Want Me And I DON'T Want IT!

Yes, I tried to go ahead and jump on the Tumblr train (even though I am a few stops down from where everyone else boarded) and it seems I've been thrown off the tracks. first of all, the whole URL thing was VERY confusing, I ended up with the URL of : My fair orange baby, yes, I got desperate. However, upon my being granted access into the overrated world of Tumblr I realized it was just a bunch of confusing and bland bullshit. I can't figure out how to change my "profile" picture and for some reason there is a bunch of shit on my page I didn't post, I don't like it and I know I could just go ask someone what's going on but in my opinion a blog site shouldn't be a fucking riddle. If i have to get cheat codes to use the shit then it's doing far too much. I know I have like, zero readers here but dammit, at least I understand the fucking instructions.

A Failure to Cooperate and What Really Happened: Dark Knight

When it comes to expressing myself, verbal communication was never my medium of choice. I can't sing and I am no excellent giver of speeches. In fact, I have pretty serious stage fright. That is part of the reason why writing is a God-send. Every time I have a serious conversation It always seems that it is through a note or an email. For instance, I was asked out and broken up with by most of my boyfriends via note. I know that sounds pathetic but you're actually sitting here reading this crap so take a step back and evaluate YOURSELF. I am not particularly ashamed nor am I willing to change my habit. I like writing and it's not as if I have some serious social anxiety, the simple fact is that writing down what I have to say is easier.

What Really Happened: Dark Knight

This is an idea I had yesterday and basically I take movies and tell everyone what happened after the credits rolled, so first is The Dark Knight.

After the Batman rode off on his bike he actually went back to where he left the Joker hanging upside down. They talked for a long time about this and that, until Joker started to pass out and the hospital wouldn't treat him, they just kind of screamed "ahhh! He can't come in here!" and "He's got a bomb!" and UGH it was a mess but the Joker was fine after a while being right side up so, they went and got some waffles, WITH blueberries because that's the way Joker likes them! Then they went back to the bat cave...well...there was some traffic...but THEN they went back to the bat cave, Alfred came and joined them, they watched Pretty In Pink and a marathon of Supernatural (which they both agree is just about the best show on television, I mean they both like Pretty Little Liars but come on!) So after that Batman re-did Joker's makeup for him, showed him some amazing face cream to, REALLY nice stuff. That's when Joker finally admitted how he ACTUALLY got those scars (fishing accident, CRAZY long story, tell ya later). Then they went to bed, Joker slept on the floor...something about his back because he slumps a lot so...it's really back for his back so he slept flat on the floor, no blanket or pillow, whatever, he seemed fine. They got up the next morning and made smiley breakfast which is when you have a pancake and use, maybe, bacon to make a smile and maybe raisins for eyes, it was REALLY cute! After that they were pretty much buddies, they found a therapist and day by day things are getting better :). And speaking of therapists, the police chief guy found one IMMEDIATELY following what happened with Harvey. He and his family needed it, BAD.

So, that's that, I'm open to suggestions.

Fueled by Vanity

Hello reader, if there ARE any readers. I have a new-found dedication to this blog as of yesterday when I took some time to make it look cute and amazing. I don't know if the love I feel for this place is purely psychical now and I don't plan on sitting around trying to figure it out. The beauty in a thing like a blog is the ability to be as involved as you want to be with no negative consequence, the plain truth is that at this point I'm just blabbing into dead space but to be honest I am completely okay with that. In fact, I'm more than okay with it, I'm ecstatic. Speaking more freely than I am ever able to in my everyday life with the slight chance that someone may actually read it and discover thoughts that I make a point to keep hidden, it's just the right amount of danger to keep things interesting.

Yes, sharing completely honest thoughts and having people see the real me is very dangerous.

Remember That Crush I Was Talking About??

Well, I have a new one. His name is Joseph Gordon-Levitt. While updating this very blog last night I saw him on television, and wouldn't ya know that's all it took (this is me making fun of myself) to spark my interest. To be specific, he was a guest on Conan, don't the show very much but I saw the interview with Louie C.K and decided I would check it out.

When I arrived Conan was interviewing Mr. Gordon and by commercial break I was...well interested. The movies I know Joseph from are

500 Days Of Summer:

and Inception:

But I'm sure there are many others I don't really know about. Anyway that's that and here he is:

I don't know about you but handsome men smiling makes me smile :)

Individuality and my crush on a British boy.

Hello. I am writing a paper for my Advanced Placement psychology class -a little gloating never hurt anyone ;) - about conformity. I am not so ashamed to admit that conforming is a part of human nature that will never be escaped, not by me, you, or anyone on the planet no matter how much we beg and plead for such to be true. Even in the effort to avoid conformity we find ourselves conforming, for instince it is now the norm to be "unique" however, if being unique is normal then it is no longer "unique". In any case, it is sort of pointless to chase individuality when it is an impossible thing to lose in the first place. There is no possible way to actually be exactly like anyone else on Earth, you are you! With your DNA, YOUR fingerprints and that's just that so no matter what you do you are still seperate from the person sitting beside you. INDIVIDUALITY IS EFFORTLESS.

I Have Another Crush

This time it's a guy from YouTube (go figure) he is British, lives somewhere near England I would assume. He is very cute, very funny and very much an important part of my daily thinking proccess as of late. His youtube name is: charlieissocoollike

Here's a link to one of his videos: http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjIsdbBsE8g

Check it out, maybe you will think the way I do...

However, if you don't want to be insane you should just avoid thinking the way I do.

How Did I Know?

He didn't respond.

I am not at all surprised, nor am I upset, something so ancient shouldn't be tampered with.

A Lovey Dovey Sort Of Death

Well, as you may know by now, I am a teenage girl and as everyone is aware, teenage girls often find themselves in troublesome dealings with matters of there sensitive little, hormone flooded hearts. This will be one of those dealings, this is a sincere confession of a heart that never rests.

I met him my sophomore year of high school. He was a senior and it makes me sick to think of how truly unprepared I was. The affection I felt for him was inescapable, it stuck to me like a parasite simply meant to make a fool of it's adolescent host. I look back on some of my actions and can only shake my head "how did I think THAT was OK?" I ask myself, knowing so answer would come, I'm a senior now but I know I'm still that same girl under two years of growth, I still have no idea. I'm not going to go into detail if that's what you're waiting for, experiencing the embarrassment first hand was plenty enough for me, a second time is unnecessary.

The point I'm vaguely working towards is that I'm thinking of messaging him, bad idea? Yes. I'll let you know how it goes.

My New-Old Computer

I know it's been a long time. The problem began just before summer when my computer's hard drive got sick, however I didn't know that was quite the problem until it was no longer able to even turn on. All I was getting when I pressed the power button was a blue screen with text I had never seen before, I was reminded of the movie Ghost. I sent my poor baby off to my trusty computer guy and it was very long before she was finally returned to me. Meanwhile I was stuck with my mother's computer, a laptop that is considerably slower, I learned patience. However, one thing I didn't even want to bother with on such a slow computer was blogging regardless of the fact that I sometimes had much to say, and so my blog has been inactive until just now.

I had at first been told all my computer's memory would be gone but thanks to my genius computer guy all my files were saved while the hard drive was replaced. And so I have a new computer with all my old files, and as a writer with countless story ideas on this old thing, I find myself endlessly great full.

The Ramblings Of A Baby Blogger

Hello. I went looking through some blogs the other day thinking I could see how a more developed blog might look or how this whole thing really worked. As I flipped from blog to blog one thing I was met with was strong individuality from each and every page. I'm, looking through these blogs and realizing that each person has really just made their space their own, which, of course, made me double think my own blog's design and if it was really my best foot to be putting forward. I say "of course" because it is not at all uncommon for me to second guess myself. I spent the night thinking about if my blog was what I wanted it to be and if it looked the way I really wanted it to look and feel and went to bed uneasy. Today I'm feeling like it really doesn't matter what other blogs look like because at the end of the day a blog is personal, it's just a place where anything goes, anything you want to talk about is totally okay. That thought helps to put my fears at ease but it also kind of worries me still because I am used to having rules set to the projects I do and I'm always more comfortable with that than with a "free-for-all" situation. I mean that in a lot of different aspects of my life, I like rules of driving, I like rules of art projects, I like to know what is expected of me so I can give that and feel good and know that whatever I did I did because I knew it was the right way to go.

In that sense I guess this blog will be an entirely new experience for me. I've always loved writing so I sincerely appreciate the open space and will use it everyday, almost like a diary but cooler because it's set to music.

Busted Trust

Well, hello. Because I'm almost certain no one looks at the profiles here I will just go ahead and tell you all that I am a writer. I have been since I was in the 7th grade and since then all I've wanted was to write and become a famous author. So naturally any computer I own will sooner or later become full of stories and ideas for books, poems and whatever else I decide is important enough to be held onto, and for me, that is A LOT of information. Well be it just my luck that just when my laptop becomes my safe haven above all the notebooks in the world, my hard drive should keel over and die. Maybe it was poisoned by bad writing but according to my AP Language and Composition teacher I am an excellent writer. In case you're wondering: EVERYTHING has been lost. I didn't back up my hard drive and now everything is simply gone, luckily everything was first draft material.

All I can think about is writing and without a computer I am left with regular notebook paper, my Blackberry and whatever else I can come up with. It's all about moods really, this might sound stupid but it's really not up to me when and where the story will work, sometimes I'm able to write on my Blackberry and sometimes it's crap, sometimes notebook paper does the trick and sometimes it does nothing. I have recently resorted to writing in my diary and emailing myself parts of my own stories. Not the same as a good old word document but it sometimes helps. The bottom line is I really want to publish my work to the public,(the internet being the first thing that comes to mind) but I can't trust that my ideas wont be stolen. I know how that sounds but seriously, you can't just trust the web anymore, as they say: once you post it, it's no longer private. I just don't want to take any chances. So, as a result of my trust issues with the rest of the world I have posted this: my explanation.

Enjoy.

A Sacred Truth

It is 1 am on a Thursday in the middle of my summer vacation and I am here, updating a blog that I wobble in and out caring for. Luckily for anyone bothering to read this I have returned with a renewed sense of reality and a slightly better taste in music. I've decided to be honest with this blog seeing as how no one I know will ever be reading it and with that honesty I would like to begin with something I have only shared with a few privileged friends; My list. The list of which I speak is an account of intense celebrity crushes I have had sense the age of ten. I should have warned you not to get your hopes up. Yes, I'm afraid I am no better than any other 17 year old girl, sorry to disappoint but, then again, I didn't promise you anything. The first on my list is Pete Wentz. Yes he's the guy that was married to Ashley Simpson and is a member of Fall Out Boy (and yes, I have posters). I don't remember exactly how old I was when I had this crush but I hadn't hit puberty yet which should tell you right away that I like older men. I spent an undocumented amount of months in the honeymoon phase of this infatuation, then came the shame, the period of time when one feels like a stupid fan girl and dwells in self loathing until the curse is lifted and you move on to the next one. For me, that was my long time favorite actor; Johnny Depp.

Alright, so this one is cliche, but forgive me, I was still very young. This was more of a genuine appreciation for his work than a crush but I'm going to count it just for the sake of complete honesty, I mean I can't say he's not attractive, no one likes a lier. After that it gets a bit fuzzy, mine you this list has about 15 names on it and the order may be off just a tad. However, I'm almost positive the next was Gaspard Ulliel.

This man is French, I found him in a movie called : Hannibal Rising, playing a young Hannibal Lector. Such movies never fail to attract my attention, Frailty, Hannibal, Silence of the Lambs, that movie made about the life of Ed Gein, very interesting stuff ( I want to be a psychologist you see). Anyway Gaspard Ulliel is a very handsome man and if you've never seen him I highly suggest you look up a photo or two, your eyes will thank you. Next, I have to say was Garrett Hedlund.

Four Brothers is the movie in which I discovered him. If you haven't noticed the pattern, It's that I like short hair and especially on good-looking men. I don't remember how long this one lasted but It did include a VIVID dream involving sweat and breath-taking love moans. (I'm sorry, but I just have to laugh at that!) Next there was Ryan Reynolds.

I'm not sure what opened my eyes to Mr. Reynolds but I am sure as hell glad they were. I think there was something about his angry face in Amityville Horror that made me realize how attracted I could be to a complete psycho. I must have seen that movie about twenty times, nightmares be damned! Then: Andrew Lawrence.

It was very early in the morning and the only thing worth watching on television was a Disney movie starring none other than Andrew Lawrence. This was a sweet attraction, after all, how dirty can something that originated on Disney channel be? After that, Tom Cruise.

I think I had just seen Interview With The Vampire for the hundredth time in my life and finally realized why I kept coming back (besides the fact that it's a wonderful movie). Do you see the short-hair trend? Anyway, like the Johnny Depp crush there was a lot of respect held in my flame for Tom Cruise, you didn't think I was totally without moral did you? Then there was Drew Fuller.

For all my fellow Charmed fans he played Chris. I've always enjoyed that show but for some reason the seasons involving Chris were just a little bit more interesting to me. After I realized why I was involved in a strong addiction to the show for reasons I'm sure I don't have to clarify. After that was a short-lived but very intense attraction to Matthew Mcconaughey.

Come on, do I REALLY have to explain this one? We all know he's gorgeous! Then there was Daniel Flaherty.

This one was from a little MTV series named: SKINS. It wasn't received well with any adults
I know, my younger class men seemed to love it and kids my age were pretty neutral. However, I wasn't so busy being neutral that I didn't watch every episode and live out an affection for one of the main actors. Then (and this one if forever): David Morse.

It was the Green Mile! Would you have guessed that? The Green Mile made me wildly attracted to this man and every time I see that movie those feelings come back I honestly can't help it. This next crush was a two-for-one ( which may offend them but hey, I'm just some girl) : Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki.

I say this was a two-for-one simply because I couldn't pick which one I liked more than the other or which one I liked first so I kind of just....double dipped (alright that sounds gross) I was becoming very interested in the television series Supernatural and well...yeah accidents happen. Next was: Zak Bagans.

Okay, check this one out; my sister got me interested in a show called Ghost Adventures and the host of the show is a man by the name of Zak Bagans. I got very interested in the show for both the ghosts and the host himself. It was a month or two full of scary stories and late nights spent awake watching re-run after re-run of the show until FINALLY I was free! However, (and if you can't guess what's coming next it's a wonder you're still here because you clearly cannot read) there came another crush, one which as of yesterday, I am out of. The man's name is Misha Collins and he his not the Anti Christ.

Bringing it back to Supernatural with this one. Mr.Collins plays an angel in the show and just recently I realized how morally complicating a silly little crush can make things. Besides the hours spent watching Supernatural online in order to fulfill my hunger I actually (now, I am a little ashamed of this one) joined Twitter just to follow him (OH GOD! DX ), please forgive me.

Anyways, there it is, a sacred truth, something I have never gone into so much detail about in my entire 17 years of life. It is 2 am on a Thursday in the middle of my summer, and I have spent an hour confessing a lifetime of sinful lust. And to think...no one will even care.