Hello. I went looking through some blogs the other day thinking I could see how a more developed blog might look or how this whole thing really worked. As I flipped from blog to blog one thing I was met with was strong individuality from each and every page. I'm, looking through these blogs and realizing that each person has really just made their space their own, which, of course, made me double think my own blog's design and if it was really my best foot to be putting forward. I say "of course" because it is not at all uncommon for me to second guess myself. I spent the night thinking about if my blog was what I wanted it to be and if it looked the way I really wanted it to look and feel and went to bed uneasy. Today I'm feeling like it really doesn't matter what other blogs look like because at the end of the day a blog is personal, it's just a place where anything goes, anything you want to talk about is totally okay. That thought helps to put my fears at ease but it also kind of worries me still because I am used to having rules set to the projects I do and I'm always more comfortable with that than with a "free-for-all" situation. I mean that in a lot of different aspects of my life, I like rules of driving, I like rules of art projects, I like to know what is expected of me so I can give that and feel good and know that whatever I did I did because I knew it was the right way to go.
In that sense I guess this blog will be an entirely new experience for me. I've always loved writing so I sincerely appreciate the open space and will use it everyday, almost like a diary but cooler because it's set to music.
Cute
Friday, July 22, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Busted Trust
Well, hello. Because I'm almost certain no one looks at the profiles here I will just go ahead and tell you all that I am a writer. I have been since I was in the 7th grade and since then all I've wanted was to write and become a famous author. So naturally any computer I own will sooner or later become full of stories and ideas for books, poems and whatever else I decide is important enough to be held onto, and for me, that is A LOT of information. Well be it just my luck that just when my laptop becomes my safe haven above all the notebooks in the world, my hard drive should keel over and die. Maybe it was poisoned by bad writing but according to my AP Language and Composition teacher I am an excellent writer. In case you're wondering: EVERYTHING has been lost. I didn't back up my hard drive and now everything is simply gone, luckily everything was first draft material.
All I can think about is writing and without a computer I am left with regular notebook paper, my Blackberry and whatever else I can come up with. It's all about moods really, this might sound stupid but it's really not up to me when and where the story will work, sometimes I'm able to write on my Blackberry and sometimes it's crap, sometimes notebook paper does the trick and sometimes it does nothing. I have recently resorted to writing in my diary and emailing myself parts of my own stories. Not the same as a good old word document but it sometimes helps. The bottom line is I really want to publish my work to the public,(the internet being the first thing that comes to mind) but I can't trust that my ideas wont be stolen. I know how that sounds but seriously, you can't just trust the web anymore, as they say: once you post it, it's no longer private. I just don't want to take any chances. So, as a result of my trust issues with the rest of the world I have posted this: my explanation.
Enjoy.
All I can think about is writing and without a computer I am left with regular notebook paper, my Blackberry and whatever else I can come up with. It's all about moods really, this might sound stupid but it's really not up to me when and where the story will work, sometimes I'm able to write on my Blackberry and sometimes it's crap, sometimes notebook paper does the trick and sometimes it does nothing. I have recently resorted to writing in my diary and emailing myself parts of my own stories. Not the same as a good old word document but it sometimes helps. The bottom line is I really want to publish my work to the public,(the internet being the first thing that comes to mind) but I can't trust that my ideas wont be stolen. I know how that sounds but seriously, you can't just trust the web anymore, as they say: once you post it, it's no longer private. I just don't want to take any chances. So, as a result of my trust issues with the rest of the world I have posted this: my explanation.
Enjoy.
A Sacred Truth
It is 1 am on a Thursday in the middle of my summer vacation and I am here, updating a blog that I wobble in and out caring for. Luckily for anyone bothering to read this I have returned with a renewed sense of reality and a slightly better taste in music. I've decided to be honest with this blog seeing as how no one I know will ever be reading it and with that honesty I would like to begin with something I have only shared with a few privileged friends; My list. The list of which I speak is an account of intense celebrity crushes I have had sense the age of ten. I should have warned you not to get your hopes up. Yes, I'm afraid I am no better than any other 17 year old girl, sorry to disappoint but, then again, I didn't promise you anything. The first on my list is Pete Wentz. Yes he's the guy that was married to Ashley Simpson and is a member of Fall Out Boy (and yes, I have posters). I don't remember exactly how old I was when I had this crush but I hadn't hit puberty yet which should tell you right away that I like older men. I spent an undocumented amount of months in the honeymoon phase of this infatuation, then came the shame, the period of time when one feels like a stupid fan girl and dwells in self loathing until the curse is lifted and you move on to the next one. For me, that was my long time favorite actor; Johnny Depp.
Alright, so this one is cliche, but forgive me, I was still very young. This was more of a genuine appreciation for his work than a crush but I'm going to count it just for the sake of complete honesty, I mean I can't say he's not attractive, no one likes a lier. After that it gets a bit fuzzy, mine you this list has about 15 names on it and the order may be off just a tad. However, I'm almost positive the next was Gaspard Ulliel.
This man is French, I found him in a movie called : Hannibal Rising, playing a young Hannibal Lector. Such movies never fail to attract my attention, Frailty, Hannibal, Silence of the Lambs, that movie made about the life of Ed Gein, very interesting stuff ( I want to be a psychologist you see). Anyway Gaspard Ulliel is a very handsome man and if you've never seen him I highly suggest you look up a photo or two, your eyes will thank you. Next, I have to say was Garrett Hedlund.
Four Brothers is the movie in which I discovered him. If you haven't noticed the pattern, It's that I like short hair and especially on good-looking men. I don't remember how long this one lasted but It did include a VIVID dream involving sweat and breath-taking love moans. (I'm sorry, but I just have to laugh at that!) Next there was Ryan Reynolds.
I'm not sure what opened my eyes to Mr. Reynolds but I am sure as hell glad they were. I think there was something about his angry face in Amityville Horror that made me realize how attracted I could be to a complete psycho. I must have seen that movie about twenty times, nightmares be damned! Then: Andrew Lawrence.
It was very early in the morning and the only thing worth watching on television was a Disney movie starring none other than Andrew Lawrence. This was a sweet attraction, after all, how dirty can something that originated on Disney channel be? After that, Tom Cruise.
I think I had just seen Interview With The Vampire for the hundredth time in my life and finally realized why I kept coming back (besides the fact that it's a wonderful movie). Do you see the short-hair trend? Anyway, like the Johnny Depp crush there was a lot of respect held in my flame for Tom Cruise, you didn't think I was totally without moral did you? Then there was Drew Fuller.
For all my fellow Charmed fans he played Chris. I've always enjoyed that show but for some reason the seasons involving Chris were just a little bit more interesting to me. After I realized why I was involved in a strong addiction to the show for reasons I'm sure I don't have to clarify. After that was a short-lived but very intense attraction to Matthew Mcconaughey.
Come on, do I REALLY have to explain this one? We all know he's gorgeous! Then there was Daniel Flaherty.
This one was from a little MTV series named: SKINS. It wasn't received well with any adults
I know, my younger class men seemed to love it and kids my age were pretty neutral. However, I wasn't so busy being neutral that I didn't watch every episode and live out an affection for one of the main actors. Then (and this one if forever): David Morse.
It was the Green Mile! Would you have guessed that? The Green Mile made me wildly attracted to this man and every time I see that movie those feelings come back I honestly can't help it. This next crush was a two-for-one ( which may offend them but hey, I'm just some girl) : Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki.
I say this was a two-for-one simply because I couldn't pick which one I liked more than the other or which one I liked first so I kind of just....double dipped (alright that sounds gross) I was becoming very interested in the television series Supernatural and well...yeah accidents happen. Next was: Zak Bagans.
Okay, check this one out; my sister got me interested in a show called Ghost Adventures and the host of the show is a man by the name of Zak Bagans. I got very interested in the show for both the ghosts and the host himself. It was a month or two full of scary stories and late nights spent awake watching re-run after re-run of the show until FINALLY I was free! However, (and if you can't guess what's coming next it's a wonder you're still here because you clearly cannot read) there came another crush, one which as of yesterday, I am out of. The man's name is Misha Collins and he his not the Anti Christ.
Bringing it back to Supernatural with this one. Mr.Collins plays an angel in the show and just recently I realized how morally complicating a silly little crush can make things. Besides the hours spent watching Supernatural online in order to fulfill my hunger I actually (now, I am a little ashamed of this one) joined Twitter just to follow him (OH GOD! DX ), please forgive me.
Anyways, there it is, a sacred truth, something I have never gone into so much detail about in my entire 17 years of life. It is 2 am on a Thursday in the middle of my summer, and I have spent an hour confessing a lifetime of sinful lust. And to think...no one will even care.
Alright, so this one is cliche, but forgive me, I was still very young. This was more of a genuine appreciation for his work than a crush but I'm going to count it just for the sake of complete honesty, I mean I can't say he's not attractive, no one likes a lier. After that it gets a bit fuzzy, mine you this list has about 15 names on it and the order may be off just a tad. However, I'm almost positive the next was Gaspard Ulliel.
This man is French, I found him in a movie called : Hannibal Rising, playing a young Hannibal Lector. Such movies never fail to attract my attention, Frailty, Hannibal, Silence of the Lambs, that movie made about the life of Ed Gein, very interesting stuff ( I want to be a psychologist you see). Anyway Gaspard Ulliel is a very handsome man and if you've never seen him I highly suggest you look up a photo or two, your eyes will thank you. Next, I have to say was Garrett Hedlund.
Four Brothers is the movie in which I discovered him. If you haven't noticed the pattern, It's that I like short hair and especially on good-looking men. I don't remember how long this one lasted but It did include a VIVID dream involving sweat and breath-taking love moans. (I'm sorry, but I just have to laugh at that!) Next there was Ryan Reynolds.
I'm not sure what opened my eyes to Mr. Reynolds but I am sure as hell glad they were. I think there was something about his angry face in Amityville Horror that made me realize how attracted I could be to a complete psycho. I must have seen that movie about twenty times, nightmares be damned! Then: Andrew Lawrence.
It was very early in the morning and the only thing worth watching on television was a Disney movie starring none other than Andrew Lawrence. This was a sweet attraction, after all, how dirty can something that originated on Disney channel be? After that, Tom Cruise.
I think I had just seen Interview With The Vampire for the hundredth time in my life and finally realized why I kept coming back (besides the fact that it's a wonderful movie). Do you see the short-hair trend? Anyway, like the Johnny Depp crush there was a lot of respect held in my flame for Tom Cruise, you didn't think I was totally without moral did you? Then there was Drew Fuller.
For all my fellow Charmed fans he played Chris. I've always enjoyed that show but for some reason the seasons involving Chris were just a little bit more interesting to me. After I realized why I was involved in a strong addiction to the show for reasons I'm sure I don't have to clarify. After that was a short-lived but very intense attraction to Matthew Mcconaughey.
Come on, do I REALLY have to explain this one? We all know he's gorgeous! Then there was Daniel Flaherty.
This one was from a little MTV series named: SKINS. It wasn't received well with any adults
I know, my younger class men seemed to love it and kids my age were pretty neutral. However, I wasn't so busy being neutral that I didn't watch every episode and live out an affection for one of the main actors. Then (and this one if forever): David Morse.
It was the Green Mile! Would you have guessed that? The Green Mile made me wildly attracted to this man and every time I see that movie those feelings come back I honestly can't help it. This next crush was a two-for-one ( which may offend them but hey, I'm just some girl) : Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki.
I say this was a two-for-one simply because I couldn't pick which one I liked more than the other or which one I liked first so I kind of just....double dipped (alright that sounds gross) I was becoming very interested in the television series Supernatural and well...yeah accidents happen. Next was: Zak Bagans.
Okay, check this one out; my sister got me interested in a show called Ghost Adventures and the host of the show is a man by the name of Zak Bagans. I got very interested in the show for both the ghosts and the host himself. It was a month or two full of scary stories and late nights spent awake watching re-run after re-run of the show until FINALLY I was free! However, (and if you can't guess what's coming next it's a wonder you're still here because you clearly cannot read) there came another crush, one which as of yesterday, I am out of. The man's name is Misha Collins and he his not the Anti Christ.
Bringing it back to Supernatural with this one. Mr.Collins plays an angel in the show and just recently I realized how morally complicating a silly little crush can make things. Besides the hours spent watching Supernatural online in order to fulfill my hunger I actually (now, I am a little ashamed of this one) joined Twitter just to follow him (OH GOD! DX ), please forgive me.
Anyways, there it is, a sacred truth, something I have never gone into so much detail about in my entire 17 years of life. It is 2 am on a Thursday in the middle of my summer, and I have spent an hour confessing a lifetime of sinful lust. And to think...no one will even care.
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